For me hijab was an overnight thing. Before that I used to be an average girl, who thinks doing hijab is optional and to some extent unnecessary (!!!) This kind of drastic change is really unlikely unless a person is shaken to the core very severely. Unfortunately, that was the case for me. I was pregnant for the first time and my mom died. It was like, someone just set my world upside down and I had no ground to stand on, I was drowning. Allaah Subhanata’la was very kind to put some sense into me at that grave hour of my life. Suddenly I found myself pondering on my responsibilities towards my deceased mom. Then I realized, I had the answer all the time, but shied away from it. I HAD to become my mom’s righteous child. And how on earth can I become a righteous child if I am not being a righteous slave to Allaah Subhanata’la. Then the acknowledgments showered down on me. What are my basic to-dos if I want to become a righteous slave of Allaah? At that time all I could think of is supplication, reading and understanding Qur’an, charity, well manners and yes HIJAB. So, I wore a long scarf (known as orna or dupatta that girls wear with salwar-kameez) that covered my head, hair and bosom very nicely. That was it for me. Insha’Allaah Ta’la, till now it never got off.
With time, I have been perfecting, sometimes fighting over my hijab. Now, the fighting part is trickier. I have to fight back my old non-hijabi self, the criticizing non-hijabi eyes and unfortunately some of my sisters in Islam who keep questioning my emaan during my transition phase!
Fighting my old-self is not very difficult though. The key is to distinguish those whispers of Shaitan and keep away from it! One of my sisters in Islam taught me how to keep it away, simply keep reciting 3 Q’uls, i.e. Surah Ikhlas, Surah Falaq and Surah Naas. Alhamdulillah, I have got great results.
Now, the most difficult part it fighting back those people who are not synched with my view. The problem that I stumble upon is not related to enduring their criticism, rather it is the tiny little sense of arrogance that is being nurtured in my mind. You see the feeling of smugness that “I am better than you!”… Astagfirullah. May Allaah forgive me and help me out of this great sin. I know that a person with the tiniest amount of arrogance in their heart will not enter the paradise. I am working on it insha’Allaah.
Finally, few words to the sisters who have doubts about my emaan, “Sister, I am trying hard, believe me! About my emaan, please let Allaah Subhanata’la be the only judge. I know you mean no harm, but sister when you are questioning my emaan, please rethink if you are in the place to do that!”
Assalamualaikum.
Ayesha Binte Mosaddeque